Highlights of my 2014 : January

January – My possible emerging relationship ended. After my previous relationship, I never allowed anyone to enter my life, I started pushing people away. But last December 2012, I decided to finally let someone break my walls and enter my life. But before ‘that’ relationship becomes official, out of the blue “he” just walked away. I don’t know what happened. Then I realized that God has better plans for me. This time, I legitimately talked to God and said, “Lord, your plans are better than my plans, if you decided that this person isn’t right for me, I am not gonna go against you, it’s hard, but I will follow you.” It broke my heart, but like I’ve said, God has a better plan. It’s a bit cliche, but legit, whoa.

Okay, here’s the thing: for four (4) gruesome years, I never had a chance to talk to my ex-boyfriend after we broke up over the phone (Yes, over the freaking telephone). Yes, we see each other during parties but we never had a chance to really sit down, and talk. We send greetings on Facebook message, but that’s it. The night my “possible emerging relationship” guy started to send hints that he doesn’t want to pursue me anymore, my heart broke, but that is the same night I saw my ex at the jeep on my way home. I mean, com’on. I don’t believe that it’s a coincidence because the timing is very right. Anyway, on our way home, I just poured my heart out about the ‘guy’, and just like when we were together, he just listened. He held my hand, and said, “Nothing’s changed, perfect fit”. I forgot about the “guy” and focused on the person beside me. He answered all my questions and we started talking about ‘what really happened’. I remember, when we were crossing the street, he moved me to the “safer ” side and said, “I’m sorry, old habits die hard.”

After all these years, still, his instincts were to protect me, to keep me safe. Before I went home, I asked him if he still loves me, he said, “Yes”. I asked him again if he moved moved on, he said, “You can never fully move on with someone, you just learn to live your life without that person”. He told me to text him, as soon as I get home. It took me a while to text him, so he called me asking if I went home safely. Sweet.

2 days after, the “possible emerging relationship” guy dropped the bomb. It hurts but it’s bearable. It was okay. I called my 3 girl friends. 1) my bestfriend, Shelly- she’s not answering her phone; 2)my churchmate, Ate Karen – same, she’s not answering her phone; lastly, 3) my caregroup mate, Irish – again, she’s not answering. I texted my ex asking if he’s busy, he said that he’s not, so I called him. I told him what happened, and asked him, what should I do. I never listened to anyone except him. Again, I was heartbroken, but then eventually, I was okay. I don’t know why but he has ‘that’ effect on me.

That’s what happened with the two of us. Yes, we still love each other, we still care for each other, but it’s not enough to be back with each other. Circumstances changed. We changed. We learned to live our lives without each other. At that very moment, I felt ‘peace’. He is still one of the most amazing guys God has given me. Truly, the Lord has a better plan for me. God gave me the closure I was longing for.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails” – Proverbs 19:21